Coping
by Friends Babe
Summary: Tina and Sean come back to Holby (kinda!) Kind of a past meets present kinda thing. I am rubbish at summarys so pls just give it a try! Thanks
1. Hating The Job You Love

A/N - OK I'm moving onto some new territory here so I'm sorry if this is a bit poo. Erm. . . I mainly deal in series 10-15 of Casualty but I do occasionally watch the new episodes. Anyway my friend and me were shocked with how little Tina/Sean/Sam/Max/Sunny/Amy etc. . . .fanfics there were so as I do, I decided to write one. Hope you like it!  
  
~*Nina*~  
  
Tina looked down the corridor. The corridor where she had spent many happy times, many sad times and many just fun times. Now she was not having fun, now she was not one of the gang. Now no one even noticed her. She took another glance through the window, towards reception. She saw not one familiar face. She remembered the days when it was her Sam and Sonny against the world. Living together and then going to the pub with Amy and Chloe after work. Well they were all gone now. Everyone she had known was gone and she was here. All alone. At the time when the only thing she wanted to do was see her friends. Slowly she walked back towards reception.  
  
Anna saw the women in the corridor long before she entered. She'd looked so upset, like her whole world had just collapsed in on her. Anna had been glancing at her every few minutes for the last 10, wondering what she was doing here. When the women eventually walked in Anna walked straight over to her.  
  
"Excuse me Miss? Can I help you?"  
  
The women looked shocked to see Anna, shocked in fact to see that there were actually people in the world. She slowly shook her head. Anna tried again,  
  
"I'm a nurse here, are you looking for a patient? Or would you just like a drink?"  
  
Again the women said nothing. Anna decided to take this as a yes and slowly guided her towards the drinks machine. After slipping a few bits of change into the machine she settled the women on the steps before she joined her. She waited for the women to finish before she tried again.  
  
"Hi. My names Anna"  
  
"Tina" The women replied. Well at least it was a start.  
  
"So you live round here Tina?"  
  
The women shook her head. "Australia. Been there for almost three years"  
  
Anna looked shocked. God, if she lived in Australia she'd never come back to Holby. "What are you doing here then Tina?"  
  
"Parents. I was bringing my daughter to see my parents"  
  
"Alone?"  
  
"With my husband"  
  
Suddenly the women started crying and Anna instinctively put her arms around her holding her as she cried. Anna realised it must be serious and that they couldn't continue to block the stairs. She looked around for Charlie, eventually locating him and waving him over. As soon as he reached them Anna could see the nurse in him taking over. He quickly glanced at the women before gently tilting her head towards him. He looked down at her face for only a second before a name jumped into his mind.  
  
"Tina?" he muttered shock in his voice  
  
"You know her?" Anna asked, even more shocked that Charlie.  
  
"She used to work here. In fact." he said remembering something, "You're looking at your predecessor"  
  
As Anna looked down at the women who had done her job before her she remembered how Chloe used to talk about the nurse who was here before her. She said they lived together and..  
  
But before Anna could remember anymore Tina fainted.  
  
"OK!" Charlie said authoritatively, "Let's get her into a cubicle. Then we can try and find out what's wrong"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Charlie looked over Tina's unconscious form and wondered what she was doing here. Anna had mentioned that she said she was with her husband and daughter. So Sean might be around here somewhere. He noticed she was waking up and learned closer to her, smiling slightly,  
  
"Tina? Tina can you hear me?"  
  
She nodded and gave him a slight patronising look. Charlie relaxed and pulled up the chair next to her bed, curious as to what was going on.  
  
"Tina what are you doing here? Where's Sean?"  
  
Tina looked at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "He's with Melia"  
  
Charlie looked confused and Tina added, "Our daughter"  
  
"OK Tina. Do you remember fainting?"  
  
Suddenly Tina's face crumpled, as though she was remembering a terrible memory. As tears came to the corner of her eye she began to talk.  
  
"Melia's never met mum. Sean thought it would be a good idea if we came over for a few weeks. Melia could meet mum and we could go to Cornwall, see Sam. We got to the airport and we were all tired. I told him not to drive. I kept telling him not to drive but he wouldn't listen. He told me to stay in the back with Melia. Said I could fall asleep that way" The tears came then, fast and thick. Charlie offered her a tissue before smiling at her, encouraging her to finish. "The next thing I remember is a bang. A lot of metal. I must have fallen asleep. The ambulance came and brought us all here. I was so tired I couldn't stay there; I kept remembering things I had to move" She took a deep breath, as though saying the next sentence might drain all of her energy, " I think he's dead Charlie. I think they both are"  
  
Charlie looked at her. The poor women, not to even have any idea. Without thinking he leaned over and gave her a hug holding her as she cried. He saw Fin out in the corridor and nodded for him to come over. As Charlie entangled himself from Tina and laid her down he drew the curtain and explained everything to Fin.  
  
"Will you stay with her while I find out about Sean?" Charlie asked when he had finished  
  
"Sure. I'll stay as long as it takes. Just tell Josh I might be a while OK?"  
  
Charlie nodded and walked off in the direction of Resus. Fin simply walked into the cubicle and settled into the chair beside a fitfully sleeping Tina.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Just as Charlie walked into Resus he heard those fateful words,  
  
"Time of death 21:09. Good job everyone"  
  
Charlie slowly walked over to the trolley and pulled back the sheet. The face he had been dreading stared back at him. The face of Dr Sean Maddox. The face Charlie had worked with for two years and the one face he had never expected to see lying on a trolley in Resus. He looked over towards Lara.  
  
"Can't you do anything else?"  
  
She shook her head looking at him quizzically.  
  
"He used to work here. His wife's in a cubicle. Oh! You don't know what happened to the little girl do you?"  
  
Lara smiled faintly, "Not a scratch. She's gone to the crèche with Roxy"  
  
"Some good news at least. Well I guess I'd better go tell Tina"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Charlie walked into the cubicle. Tina was awake now, and talking quietly with Fin. She smiled at him when he entered. The smile fell from her face when she saw his.  
  
"No. . . . . . ." she whispered, "No. . . . . . ."  
  
"Tina I'm sorry. . ." Charlie began  
  
"No. . . . ." she repeated as the tears ran down her face, "No. . . . . No Charlie he can't be. . . . . No. . . . . . " As the tears took over all Charlie could do was watch as she cried. God. Sometimes he hated this job.  
  
A/N - How will Tina cope without Sean? Find out in Part 2! 


	2. Crying Until The Hurt Is Gone

A/N - Thanks to Lil and TeacherChez for reviewing! OK sorry there's been a massive gap in updates but hey! OK I have a vague idea of where this is going but I'm not 100% sure so if you have any ideas feel free to tell me in a review . . .  
  
Tina woke up late the next morning and for a moment wondered where she was. She couldn't understand why she wasn't waking up in Australia, with Sean by her side. . .It was only when she looked around the small room that the previous days events began to sink in. She was in the staff room, that much she knew. She must have slept here after. . .after. . . she just couldn't bring herself to say it. Just as the tears were about to flow she heard the door open,  
  
"Sorry" she heard a male voice say, "I didn't realise anyone was in here"  
  
Tina didn't say anything; she just continued to stare at the dirty coffee mugs. The person behind her seemed to think she was mad as he approached her with what felt to Tina like caution. Slowly he sat down next to her and Tina caught a glimpse of his blonde hair and was instantly reminded of Sam. She could tell that this man was also a nurse. He turned to her and smiled,  
  
"My names Dillon" he said polity, "do you want to tell me yours?"  
  
"Tina" she whispered, wanting to add that she was not insane or hijacking the staff room, but that Charlie had told her to wait here until she felt better. As she felt her eyes open slightly, she began to feel more awake. She turned to Dillon and whispered "I'm not mad you know"  
  
"I never thought. . ."  
  
"Yes you did" she said, finding herself smiling slightly, "You thought I was some nutter who'd decided to sleep on the sofa in here"  
  
She saw a faint smile playing around Dillon's lips as he raised his hands in mock defeat, "OK" he said, now fully smiling, "You got me! But then, what are you doing here?"  
  
Before Tina had a chance to answer the door opened again and Tina saw a flash of green as a paramedic entered. Tina didn't have to glance up to recognise the voice,  
  
"Charlie says they're ready for you now Tina" Josh said, his usual smile now completely absent, "He says he'll walk you down there if you want"  
  
Tina nodded, all the joy of the previous minute vanishing in an instant as she walked past Josh and out into reception. Dillon watched her go and wondered how the entire hospital seemed to know her name. He was just about to ask Josh when the paramedic spoke,  
  
"Poor thing, as if she hasn't been through enough"  
  
Dillon, still watching her talking to Charlie asked, "Who is she?"  
  
"Tina" Josh replied, "She worked here a few years ago, emigrated to Australia with one of the doctors. Came back for the first time last night. The car they were in crashed. He didn't make it"  
  
"God!" Dillon muttered involuntary, this woman mustn't even be 30 yet and she was already a widow.  
  
Josh smiled slightly at Dillon's reaction, remembering the Tina he used to know, the one whose housewarming party he'd gone to. The one who was always laughing and having fun in the department. The one who was best friends with Sam and Sunny. The one who. . .  
  
But just then the door burst open for a third time. Both Josh and Dillon looked up to see Nikki enter.  
  
"Charlie wants one of you to do something. Call some bloke down south I think"  
  
"Sam" Josh said, almost to himself,  
  
"Yeah" Nikki replied looking confused, "How do you. . .?"  
  
Josh didn't reply he simply strode out of the staff room and towards the phone in reception. As he pulled the phone onto the desk and looked at the hastily written number beside it he couldn't believe he was about to make this call. Sean's parents had already been told, Charlie had mentioned it earlier. He was just worried that Tina wouldn't have anyone to talk to. No one she was ever-good friends with was still here. Chloe, Amy, Sunny, Sam, even George. They'd all gone. Slowly, almost mechanically Josh picked up the phone and dialled the number. It was 3 rings before the person on the other end picked up.  
  
"Hello?" said a cheerful voice that Josh recognised instantly to be Sam's.  
  
"Sam? Hi it's Josh, from Holby. Yeah long time no see mate. Listen I'm not calling for me. It's Tina. . ." Josh heard Sam take a sharp intake of breath, "Don't worry mate, she's fine. It's Sean actually. They were on their way back from the airport and the car crashed. I'm sorry Sam but he didn't make it. Tina's fine, I saw her a few minutes ago, yes I'm sure. Melia?" Josh repeated, confused. Who the heck was Melia? A friend? A dog? Josh just didn't know what to say so he simply ignored that Sam had mentioned anything. "Sorry I don't know, but listen we can find out when you get here. That's why I called. Charlie doesn't want Tina to be alone now and as they were going to visit you anyway he thought you might be able to come up and stay with her. At least until after the funeral. OK. . .yeah I'll tell her. . .OK see you soon. Bye"  
  
As Josh put down the phone he couldn't believe what he had just said. Sean Maddox. Dead. It was only through saying it that it suddenly became real to him. He slowly shook his head and left a note by reception to tell Charlie he phoned Sam. He simply continued to stare at the piece of paper. He'd never really known Sean, never got on with him, never disliked him. But to know that someone he had once sat in the staff-room with, or someone he'd spoken to was now dead. It just made him very aware of his own mortality. Just as he was about to completely lose himself in self pity Nikki came up behind him.  
  
"Josh" she said quietly, as though aware that the phone call he had just made was important, "We've got a shout"  
  
As both Nikki and Josh walked out of the busy A&E department Tina was walking back to it. After identifying her husbands body.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Charlie led her into the hospital, supporting her as she walked. She seemed so fragile at the moment, as though her whole world had imploded in on her which, Charlie realised, it probably had. As he looked at her face, no longer the tear-stained one of the previous night, just simply one that looked exhausted, he was unable to believe that one person could go through so much. The poor girl would never hurt a fly yet she'd been raped, betrayed by the first man she trusted, had her person business plastered all over the department and if that wasn't enough after finally thinking that things were going to be OK she was a widow. Slowly he took her straight through to the relative's room, it'd be quieter there, he told her. He'd get someone to wait with her until Sam came. As he walked out of the room to find someone who wasn't working he felt his heart go out to her in a way it never had before.  
  
He walked through the department, desperately searching for someone who didn't look busy. Eventually he saw Duffy through the staff-room window and realised that she must have only just arrived. He opened the door to speak to her. . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Tina looked up as the door opened. She had been ideally flicking through ht TV channels on the battered television in the corner of the room. As she looked up she expected to see Charlie again, telling her some new piece of information. Instead she found the maternal eyes of Duffy staring back at her. Tina didn't feel like chatting at the moment so she simply acknowledged Duffy's presence and hoped that she would get the message.  
  
She didn't.  
  
"Charlie's told me" she said by way of greeting. "I'm sorry Tina I really am"  
  
Tina didn't reply and this time Duffy got the message. Duffy knew exactly what the young woman was going through right now. Charlie had mentioned that Tina and Sean had a daughter as well; she was up on the children's ward until Tina could get a place to stay. As neither seemed able to talk the silence in the room crept up on them slowly, threatening to suffocate. It was only when, after two hours of sleep for Tina that the door opened and Charlie walked in, holding the hand of a small two year old girl. As soon as Duffy saw the child she knew who her parents were. She had Sean's colouring and his dark hair. But the child's face was pure Tina. The little button nose and the blue eyes, which looked so unique, mixed with her dark skin and hair. There was only one word that seemed able to describe this child. Gorgeous.  
  
On noticing that Tina was asleep Charlie slowed his movements down, so as not to wake Tina from the first real sleep she'd had in possibly 48 hours. He sat down next to Duffy holding the child on his knee as he whispered.  
  
"She kept calling out 'Mama' and they needed to bed back so I thought she'd be better of with Tina. Has she been asleep long?"  
  
"About two hours" Duffy replied looking at her watch. "God, you can tell she's Sean's can't you!" she added as Melia began to tottle over to the television, messing with everything she could find.  
  
"Yeah. You really can" he replied, his voice taking on a slightly wistful tone. "Oh yeah! Comfort just brought this in. It's from the accident. Tina's bag I think"  
  
Duffy took the leather handbag from him and just before she opened it turned to Charlie in an attempt to justify her actions, "We need to know who her next of kin is"  
  
He merely shrugged and allowed her to continue. As she pulled out a mobile she saw Charlie search the purse. Duffy scanned through the numbers, Amy, Bryon, Caitlin, Debbie, Jim, Karen, Katie, Marcy, Max. Duffy paused. Max. Surely that couldn't be. No. Why would Tina still have Max's number? It must be some she'd met in Australia. Duffy shook her head and continued, Marcy, Mum, Sam, Sean Mob and finally Sunny. The obvious one seemed to be 'Mum' but Duffy couldn't help staring at Sean Mob. The one number she'd never ring again. As she jotted down the number for me she felt something drop to the floor from Tina's bag. As she picked it up she felt her heart catch in her throat. It was a photo. A small folded photo. It must have been taken when Melia was young. It showed Sean, his arms around Tina's waist as she cradled baby Melia and both of them looked lovingly at their new daughter. As she turned it over she read the neat writing on the back.  
  
Tina, Sean and Melia. Melia's first day out!  
  
And underneath written in different writing,  
  
Taken by their bestest friend Katie!  
  
Duffy felt herself about to cry for reasons she couldn't understand when she felt Tina stir beside her. As Tina sat up Duffy saw her eyes struggle to focus. Eventually Tina saw her daughter and her arms opened. Almost instantly Melia recognised this action and attempted to run to her mother. As Tina embraced her daughter Duffy and Charlie took their cue and left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Almost two hours passed before either Charlie or Duffy spoke again. It was only when a familiar blonde head walked through the double doors that they even remembered that the Relative's Room was even occupied. As soon as he saw that hair though, Charlie remembered. As he went to fetch Tina he couldn't help feeling like this was all happening to someone else.  
  
He knocked on the door before entering. He nodded to Tina and she knew then. As she slowly walked out Charlie stayed back, walking with Melia. As soon as Tina saw Sam her walk stopped and she broke into a run. As he wrapped his arms around her and whispered soothingly to her she cried until she didn't thing she could cry any more. She cried until all the hurt was gone, until all she could feel was the arms of her best friend wrapped protectively around her. 


	3. Longing For Home

A/N - Chapter 3!! I know it's short and I'm sorry! Suggestions appreciated!  
  
"We are here today to mark the passing of Dr Sean Maddox. A loving husband, father and friend. . ." The priest began. The words didn't mean anything to Tina. This man had never even met Sean. He knew nothing about them, not one thing. Only the few pieces of information Tina had given him over the past week. Rather than listen to the stranger Tina found herself silently playing with her daughter. Silently she moved Melia back onto her knee and began to swing her arms playfully. She was vaguely aware of Sam's eyes on her, but she didn't know if he was smiling or looking at her as if she was the most disrespectful person on earth.  
  
"And Sean was always there when little Amelia needed him. She might have been young but Amelia was definitely a daddies girl!"  
  
Tina resisted the urge to jump up there and attack him. Melia hadn't been called Amelia since she was born. She'd told him that. Sean's daughter's name was Melia. Mel if they wanted to shorten it even more. Never Amelia. Calling her Amelia was as bad as calling her Amelia Eve Maddox. She hated that the stupid priest couldn't even get her name right! Before she could completely lose her head she felt Sam's hand on her arm and realised that she was meant to be saying something. As she slowly passed him Melia she walked forward towards the podium. She scanned the congregation for a minute before she began.  
  
"I had a big speech prepared for today, I'd spent hours on it. But when I got here today I threw it away. Nothing can prepare you for the emotion you feel when you bury your husband at 29. Nothing. I'm not pretending that Sean and me were perfect. Far from it. We had our problems, some very public, as a few of you will know. But we worked through them and that's what made us so strong. Three years ago we moved to Australia. It was meant to be our fresh start and it certainly was. We both got new jobs, a new house, our beautiful daughter Melia. Things were the best they'd been for us in a long time. But I guess you can't stay high too long and boy were we brought down with a bump. I don't know what to say today that can in anyway compare to what I'm feeling right now. But Sean. . ." she said, turning to the coffin on her right, "I love you, you know I do. And I always will. I'll be yours forever sweetheart" she whispered as she walked shakily down the step and back towards her seat. Once there she simply collapsed in Sam's arms and stayed there until the end of the service.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Tina sat in the far corner of the pub, sipping her rum and coke every few minutes without ever really tasting it. She glanced around the room. Nearly all their friends were here. Some she hadn't seen for a long time. Sunny was in the middle dancing with Amy. Charlie and Duffy were chatting to what looked like a plumper Eve and Tina swore she could see Max talking to Sam somewhere. But as far as she was concerned she was all alone. No one seemed to want to talk to her. She simply sat alone in the far corner and watched as the world went by. Just as she was wondering if she could leave now without it seeming rude she felt someone slide into the seat beside her. She turned round, expecting to see Sam. Instead she saw the one face she had not wanted to face today. Max.  
  
He smiled at her reassuringly, as if to say he wasn't going to make a scene, he offered his hand and cautiously she took it, allowing him to softly shake her hand.  
  
"Long time no see" he muttered quietly.  
  
Tina nodded. All words seemed to have vanished from her throat long ago.  
  
"I'm sorry Tina. I know that doesn't make any difference right now but I am"  
  
Tina found her voice, "I know" she whispered, "But please, right now I don't want to even think about why I'm here today. Just tell me what you've been up to the past three years"  
  
And so Max spoke and eventually the crowd started to thin. By the time Max made his excuses (train to catch) and left there were only five people left in the pub. Tina, Sam, Sunny, Amy and Tina thought it was George in the corner but she couldn't quite tell. As she looked at them all, enjoying 'one for the road' she couldn't help but miss Chloe. She was the one person that hadn't been here today. Tina understood why. She'd gotten the letter off Chloe about 2 years ago, explaining what was happening and saying she'd be in touch when she'd gotten an address. Tina hadn't heard from her since. She probably didn't even know that Sean was dead. She didn't even know that if one moment her best friends life had been ruined forever. That her best friend had lost her soul mate, her lover, the one person she loved, the person she was meant to spend the rest of her life with.  
  
Just as she was drifting off into her thoughts again she felt someone sit down beside her. She didn't even have to turn round to know who it was.  
  
"Hi" she said softly, unable to raise her voice any higher.  
  
"Hi yourself" Sam replied, just as soft.  
  
"How is everyone?" Tina didn't really care but the silence she was cocooned in was threatening to suffocate her.  
  
"Worried about you. Me included" he replied. Tina didn't say anything, she didn't have to. Sam had been her confidant for a reason. He knew what she was thinking without her having to say it. Rather than press on the issue he put a brandy in front of her and watched to make sure she drank it all. Eventually he stood up and helped her to her feet.  
  
"We'd better get going, Melia's probably killing the babysitter!" as soon as he said it his heart sank. 'Killing' yeah because Tina needed to be reminded of death today. As he went to apologise Tina spoke,  
  
"Yeah your right. We'd better go"  
  
And so they left, Sam's arm wrapped around Tina again as they made their way to the car. As they set off Tina gazed out the window. Her and Sean had been looking forward to coming back to England for months. Had both booked five weeks of work to spend as much time as possible with friends and family. Now it looked as though Tina would be staying for a bit longer, and suddenly all she wanted was to be back in Australia. 


	4. Authors Note

Thanks to teacherchez and sillylilybilly for reviewing but I've decided there's just not enough interest in this fic to continue it on here. The fic has been moved to The Casualty Files for anyone who wants to continue reading it. It's just been updated so it's all there for you to read! Right well, better be off! For those of you who read them I'll be continuing with my Friends Fanfics really really soon!  
  
~*Nina*~ 


End file.
